Post by Kadence McAvoy on Jul 21, 2016 1:29:08 GMT
Kadence Marie McAvoy
PLAY BY: Hailee Steinfeld
♦ THE BASICS ♦
AGE: Sixteen
GENDER: Female
ORIENTATION: Heterosexual
POSITION: local - high school student♦ THE FREEFORM ♦
How do you recover from the death of a loved one? Grief. Grief is what holds us down and pins us so that we can't move, we can't breathe. There are stages that are supposed to help us....
Grief by definition is the response to the loss of something or someone dear to us, be it by death or separation.
Stage 1:
Denial, Numbness, Shock.
My brother Hayden is a golden boy. Which, coming from a place like this, it's something surprising to have someone so...perfect. He gets straight A's, is the star running back of the high school football team, dating the prettiest girl in school. Everybody loves him. I love him. He's not dead. He's coming home in a few weeks from deployment. With the rest of them. He's coming home...he's...he's coming home.
My brother Hayden was popular. He joined the military right after graduation despite being accepted into every Ivy League he applied for. He wanted to save the world. He felt like it was the right thing to do. My brother was supposed to come home. He was deployed. He was killed in action. He was my brother. My brother is gone.
My brother Hayden was my best friend. The most caring and protective older brother any girl could ever have asked for. He loved his friends fiercely, his family always came first and he was doing everything right. He can't be gone. Oh my god, he's really gone. He's not coming back. Oh God...Oh no. Hayden....Hayden no.
Stage 2:
Bargaining
Hayden told me when he planned on joining the military. He sat me down in his room, curled up in my usual spot at the foot of his bed, fourteen years old. I always looked at him like he could save the world, which was exactly what he was telling me he wanted to do. Hayden was my superhero, but I never should have let him join the military. I could have convinced him not to go. Not to leave me. I should have told him I needed him at home, that I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle him being gone all the time.
I could have told my parents not to let him. I could have begged. I could have done something to keep him from leaving me. To keep him from being deployed. To keep him...from dying. I could have saved him.
What if I had made him stay?
Stage 3:
Depression
Hayden and I always had movie nights on Friday. We would pig out on junk food and sweets while we watched movie marathons. I always fell asleep curled up by his side and he'd carry me to my room after. It didn't matter how old I was.
On Fridays, I don't eat. I stay up all night watching movies because I can't sleep. And when I fall asleep, I always end up waking up in the living room with the TV still on right where I knew I would. And when I wake up, all I can do is cry. It's like my chest is caving in and all I can do is sob until my eyes are dry.
My parents told me it's normal to feel this way, that I'll get through it, it's just a part of grieving. But I don't hear them. I stare ahead and wish for my brother to come back or for something to take the pain away. I miss him. I miss Hayden. Hayden come back....
Stage 4:
Anger
I've never been angry at my brother for longer than a day at the most. It didn't matter what he did, what he said, I loved him with everything I had. Staying angry at him was impossible. Whenever I was angry, he'd buy me my favorite candy, knock on my bedroom door and slide it under. When I finally forgave him, he'd scoop me up, haul me over his shoulder and tickle me until I was in tears.
Why did this happen to him? He didn't deserve this! He didn't deserve any of it! He was the good one. He was saving people! Why was this happening? It isn't fair! Hayden come back! Give my brother back! I need him! I...need him. I...I need...Hayden...come back.
Stage 5:
Acceptance
My older brother Hayden died at the age of nineteen after being killed in action while he was deployed. I found out just over a year ago and nothing has been the same. I look in the mirror and I see him in my own features. I see our similarities. We have the same smile and the same nose. His hair was a shade darker and his eyes were a dark shade of blue. The older I get, the more I feel that I look like him.
When I talk to my parents, I can hear the worry in their tone. They think I'm not going to get through this. But I have. Hayden is dead. He's gone and he's not coming back. I've lost my big brother, but there is nothing any of us could have done to change it. I'll always love my brother, I'll always remember him, but I'm not him. And I know that he wouldn't approve of the choices I'm making.
Anymore than I like the choice that he made that put me in this position. I'm sorry, big brother, you don't get to judge me for the wrongs I do in my life. You were supposed to be here. You were supposed to be my role model.♦ THE PLAYER ♦
USERNAME: Trixieee
AGE GROUP: Twentyyyy
EXPERIENCE: 7-8 years
WHERE DID YOU FIND US? My 6th sense
